As I mentioned yesterday, my baby is three months old. The older she gets, the less time I have left to sit and cuddle. Three months of the best cuddle time are already gone.
I was sitting in the rocking chair this morning with Sarah asleep on my chest. Her soft, warm little body was completely relaxed and fit perfectly against me. It was so peaceful. However, I was mentally going through a list of why I should get up and get busy.
I have cookies to bake, lights to put on a tree, more laundry to do, a Christmas letter to write, calendars to make, a really long list of sewing, phone calls that have been put off too long, a shower to take, and I need to go to the bathroom.
At one point, I made a move to get up and then sank back into the chair. The jobs would not be affected by another 10 minutes of blissful rocking. (But eventually, that bathroom thing got me up.)
It feels like this is the worst time for Christmas to be looming. I am running out of time with my baby! This is my last chance to hold MY baby. Any baby after this will probably still be cute and soft and warm, but it won't be mine. If I'm blessed enough, I'll have grandkids, but I fully expect that bond to be different...and they won't be MINE.
When Joseph was a baby, I knew I was getting close to the end. I began to understand why youngest kids are spoiled. It's not because the parents are tired and don't care anymore, though that certainly happens. It's because the parents realize that the baby years are beginning to slip from their grasps and they are trying a little harder to hold on to them. That's why the 5-year-old is sitting on Mommy's lap during church, even though they are way past old enough to sit on the bench. (Learn it from me now, all you young parents - and quit judging those families for being bad parents. Your time is coming!)
And while I want Daniel to grow up and act older than he really is, I'm hoping Sarah will stay small a little longer and be my sweet baby. (It's so hard to believe that something so small and innocent is going to have me pulling my hair out in less than two years. How is that possible?) It's no wonder my kids are so confused; their mother is living in two worlds!
So, is there any way to push Christmas back a little longer (like a year), so I can cuddle my little one and still get my long list done in time?
This post made me cry. I'm pretty sure I won't be having any more of my own babies, so I WISH I had thought about this when they were still young and cherished those moments. Instead, I was too busy trying to be the perfectly organized, completely put together mom. I was determined to prove to the world that I could have 4 little kids, including a new baby, and still accomplish everything that any other woman could do.
ReplyDeleteMy advice - screw the To-Do list! Let this be the Christmas that the lights don't get hung, the letter doesn't get written and the kids have to dig through the dirty laundry occassionally to find a pair of pants. You can take care of all that next year.