Cancelling Christmas

My kids will now need therapy. This time it's for sure.

Am I the only one with cranky, bickering kids? I'd better not be the only one enjoying this twisted version of holiday cheer. My kids start fighting with each other over the DUMBEST things. I am nearing the end of my patience.

I took the kids to a museum today to see the free Christmas displays. Nathan couldn't complain about being there enough. Daniel wanted to go off with some boys he knew from school. (I've heard enough stories about these boys to know that I didn't want him out of my sight, in a museum, with these kids.) On the way home, there was endless fighting and complaining and crying. Sarah is still coughing up her last breath and Joseph's fever was coming back. Someone please stick a candy cane through my heart and end the suffering.

The pleasantries didn't end once we got home, so I quietly began undecorating the tree. The kids wanted to know what I was doing and I told them that we didn't have the Christmas spirit and so I was taking the tree down. The girls started crying right away. Nathan held out for a little bit, but eventually buried his head in his knees. Daniel sat quietly through most of it before storming out of the room and then the house.

The whole time I was taking the decorations off, I felt HORRIBLE! My stomach was doing flip flops and I wondered if I might cry. But I was serious about sending the kids a message...enough is enough! By the time I got all the ornaments off, my hands were beginning to tremble because I felt so sad about it and knew how the kids must be feeling, too. I told them they could save Christmas if they came up with a plan to get along better and STOP fighting.

It took them quite a while to figure it out and I had to coach the conversation more than I thought I would have to. We seemed to come to an agreement and I let them redecorate the tree after dinner. (I never did get the lights off.) But there is still more "mean" in our home than I feel comfortable with. Ugh. I wonder if I could postpone Christmas until we're a little nicer to each other. Some of them are still so young that I'm not sure how effective anything is anymore.

And just this weekend, Daniel started crying for no reason. He won't tell us what's wrong, but he's really good at slamming doors and storming away. Is this the beginning of adolescence? Or is there something else that's wrong? If this is "normal" development, I may not be strong enough to raise these children to adulthood. I may be the one that needs therapy. I'm scared!

Daniel gets his braces on in about 12 hours. We'll post some pictures when we can!