Soft Spoken

I am soft spoken tonight.  Not by conscious effort, but because I made the choice to yell at one of my children at the top of my voice.

It is not the first time I have traded being able to speak for a lecture/crazy mad woman moment.  And it isn't the first time with this particular child.  It's even the second time within a month.

I hope all parents have that moment when they totally lose all patience and hope and want to shove their fist through a wall.  It would make me feel better about this journey I am on.

Unfortunately, because of past experience, and because yet again we could not get this child to verbally respond, I expect to have another opportunity to speak like a shadowy, secret informant.

Of all the challenges that come with parenting, watching undesirable behavior be repeated without remorse (and despite all efforts to effect a change) is the HARDEST!  It's so difficult because it indicates that the person is freely choosing to be less than they can be.  It damns their progression to becoming the person that lies in wait only as potential.  I can see it.  It is unclear if they can see it.  It is clear that they aren't trying to see if it's there.

We can't always chose what happens to us, but we can choose how we happen to others.