Do you ever feel like the little guy in carton full of big guys?
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Blogging, or Not Blogging
I started my blog over six years ago as a way to keep distant family updated on my growing babies and also a way to write (something I want to do, but don't really have the time to do).
As I have looked back over my posts over the years and had them printed into tangible copies, I have really enjoyed the vivid recounts of little moments that otherwise would have been lost forever. It helped that I had a real audience participating in my stories through the blessing of the internet. The comments left in response were encouraging and really appreciated, but the verbal remarks were more valuable as they gave me a real connection to people.
In 2010, I hit my blogging peak. I was composing blog entries while I mopped the floor, while I drove down the road and every time disaster seemed to strike. If the kids made me laugh with some little quip, I ran to the computer and recorded it. I LOVE reading through those moments!
Even so, my entries have always been motivated by my audience (real and imagined). My journals are influenced in the same way, though writing by hand is much slower and the pictures don't load very easily. I write for an audience, though I expect that my journals will be read after I am gone (at least I hope that I can trust those around me to respect me enough to never pry without permission).
Lately, my real and imagined audiences have decreased. The motivation went with them. It troubles me some as I think of the moments I am no longer recording, but it does seem a blog without an audience is really only a public journal. I no longer consider it worth my time to prepare and upload pictures and tell stories.
As I have thought over the demise of the blog, I have considered how different variables have affected it. The first problem was that I joined Facebook. If I put on FB, it seemed to ease the urge to blog about it. Plus, I was getting way more response that way!
A second problem is a family problem. I have struggled with this for years now. I claim much of the blame, but have little to be proud of in any resolutions. The truth is, I don't speak with one of my sisters. She made it clear enough how she felt and I finally gave up trying to fix it. Another sister is too busy. I know she doesn't read the blog. She has admitted it to me. My brother interacts with me via FB and I have appreciated his efforts to connect. Even so, he's a guy and the connection is different. I haven't spoken to my mother since February 2nd. The few times before that I attempted to talk with her were cut short. She says she doesn't have time to talk. I guess she prefers indirect contact. She recently started commenting on my posts more, but nothing in real time.
The distant relationship with my family has taken a toll on the blog. Sometimes I don't want to blog because I don't want them to know what is happening in my life. If they were to call, I don't know if I would answer the phone. So what is it? Do I want contact or not? I don't even understand what I am thinking!
On the other hand, I have regular contact with my Dad. Usually, we don't even agree about the things we discuss, but I know he is interested in what I am saying. The blog does help us in keeping the conversation fresh and moving. Our conversations can last 2 or 3 hours. And then I have to charge my phone!
A third factor is a trend I have noticed repeats itself way too often: I keep losing friends. I have pondered on this endlessly and cannot figure out what I am doing wrong. The friends that used to comment on my blog are now silent and their absence causes me to lose confidence that I am blogging about something of value.
The last reason for the decline in my blogging (that comes to mind) is the struggle that I have with being proper and avoiding topics too controversial. The times I did relax and share strong emotion seemed to cause greater tension. Well, if I can't be honest about how I feel, what the heck am I doing? My life isn't all flowers and sunshine...sometimes it's tornadoes and stink weeds! If my sister doesn't want to accept my multiple apologies or my mom really isn't interested in what happens in my life or my friends can't remember the 7 digits that make up my number, why in the world should that dictate what goes into my blog?
So the question I have pondered is, what is the purpose of my blog? Obviously, it's not to keep my family connected, but Chad's family is gracious and comments occasionally. Apparently it's not to give my feelings a voice. I'm not someone with hundreds or thousands of readers (if I have 20, I'm surprised).
I am not posting any of this to cause a firestorm or get a bunch of sympathy comments. Things are what they are...I've only stated what I consider to be facts, without emotion. However, I would like to know if there is any reason to continue this blog. Does it serve a purpose, other than giving me a record of my family's activities? Is there anything here that can't be shared via FB? Maybe I should go private and really know who my audience is. I appreciate any insight.
As I have looked back over my posts over the years and had them printed into tangible copies, I have really enjoyed the vivid recounts of little moments that otherwise would have been lost forever. It helped that I had a real audience participating in my stories through the blessing of the internet. The comments left in response were encouraging and really appreciated, but the verbal remarks were more valuable as they gave me a real connection to people.
In 2010, I hit my blogging peak. I was composing blog entries while I mopped the floor, while I drove down the road and every time disaster seemed to strike. If the kids made me laugh with some little quip, I ran to the computer and recorded it. I LOVE reading through those moments!
Even so, my entries have always been motivated by my audience (real and imagined). My journals are influenced in the same way, though writing by hand is much slower and the pictures don't load very easily. I write for an audience, though I expect that my journals will be read after I am gone (at least I hope that I can trust those around me to respect me enough to never pry without permission).
Lately, my real and imagined audiences have decreased. The motivation went with them. It troubles me some as I think of the moments I am no longer recording, but it does seem a blog without an audience is really only a public journal. I no longer consider it worth my time to prepare and upload pictures and tell stories.
As I have thought over the demise of the blog, I have considered how different variables have affected it. The first problem was that I joined Facebook. If I put on FB, it seemed to ease the urge to blog about it. Plus, I was getting way more response that way!
A second problem is a family problem. I have struggled with this for years now. I claim much of the blame, but have little to be proud of in any resolutions. The truth is, I don't speak with one of my sisters. She made it clear enough how she felt and I finally gave up trying to fix it. Another sister is too busy. I know she doesn't read the blog. She has admitted it to me. My brother interacts with me via FB and I have appreciated his efforts to connect. Even so, he's a guy and the connection is different. I haven't spoken to my mother since February 2nd. The few times before that I attempted to talk with her were cut short. She says she doesn't have time to talk. I guess she prefers indirect contact. She recently started commenting on my posts more, but nothing in real time.
The distant relationship with my family has taken a toll on the blog. Sometimes I don't want to blog because I don't want them to know what is happening in my life. If they were to call, I don't know if I would answer the phone. So what is it? Do I want contact or not? I don't even understand what I am thinking!
On the other hand, I have regular contact with my Dad. Usually, we don't even agree about the things we discuss, but I know he is interested in what I am saying. The blog does help us in keeping the conversation fresh and moving. Our conversations can last 2 or 3 hours. And then I have to charge my phone!
A third factor is a trend I have noticed repeats itself way too often: I keep losing friends. I have pondered on this endlessly and cannot figure out what I am doing wrong. The friends that used to comment on my blog are now silent and their absence causes me to lose confidence that I am blogging about something of value.
The last reason for the decline in my blogging (that comes to mind) is the struggle that I have with being proper and avoiding topics too controversial. The times I did relax and share strong emotion seemed to cause greater tension. Well, if I can't be honest about how I feel, what the heck am I doing? My life isn't all flowers and sunshine...sometimes it's tornadoes and stink weeds! If my sister doesn't want to accept my multiple apologies or my mom really isn't interested in what happens in my life or my friends can't remember the 7 digits that make up my number, why in the world should that dictate what goes into my blog?
So the question I have pondered is, what is the purpose of my blog? Obviously, it's not to keep my family connected, but Chad's family is gracious and comments occasionally. Apparently it's not to give my feelings a voice. I'm not someone with hundreds or thousands of readers (if I have 20, I'm surprised).
I am not posting any of this to cause a firestorm or get a bunch of sympathy comments. Things are what they are...I've only stated what I consider to be facts, without emotion. However, I would like to know if there is any reason to continue this blog. Does it serve a purpose, other than giving me a record of my family's activities? Is there anything here that can't be shared via FB? Maybe I should go private and really know who my audience is. I appreciate any insight.
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Monday, March 05, 2012
Cell Phone shots
I take a picture of something when I want to share part of my day with Chad. I pull out my cell phone, snap the picture, then email it off to him. Here are a few of the things that have been going on in our lives.
WIND - It really got bad around here a while back. Because the genius that added on to our house (it wasn't our house then) back in the early 90's was lazy, we have a layer of shingles put down over a shake roof. You know the rustic-looking wood shingles that are very bumpy? They are still bumpy...under the shingles. Every time the wind blow over 35 mph (which it does occasionally around here), our house has flapping shingles. This time, the wind was strong enough to rip up a big enough section that the shakes were visible. (The guy also put a space heater in the crawl space to keep the pipes from freezing...but no vapor barrier. Genius.)
SLEEP - I had some errands to run one day that completely wiped out naptime. Sitting in front of the TV later that day, Sarah lost consciousness. She eventually had her forehead on the seat, but this was about 20 minutes before that.
MORE SLEEP - I like to squeeze in a 15-20 minute nap when I can. If I don't make Joseph take a formal nap, he usually gets bored and joins me in the bed. He looks so peaceful! He got a pretty good nap this day.
REAL GENIUS - I can decide how much of it is bias and how much is a fair label, but Sarah seems to be showing a few smarty genes. This day I looked down to see that she had arranged my hot roller clips in a balanced pattern. I sent this picture to Chad to ask if he thought it was intentional or lucky.
CONFIRMED - A couple of days later, I sent this picture. I had witnessed her in action and even heard her getting after Rebekah or Joseph for trying to mess her up. I think she would have put one more purple clip on the left but thought she didn't have enough room. I guess her spatial sense is still developing. When she's done, she takes them all off and throws them randomly into the drawer. At least that part of her is on par with the other kids...they leave my stuff in a mess all the time!
PAINTING - We painted the girls' room yellow over Presidents' Day weekend. Since we weren't going to paint the ceiling, I thought it might be worth a shot to pretend we had crown molding up by not painting all the way up. Additionally, I liked the idea of not accidentally painting the ceiling while we were working. When it was all done, it looked more like we had just painted not quite to the top of the wall.
I decided it needed something more after we made and installed new curtains and a shelf/curtain rod for each window. The fabric, while on sale, was a pretty penny. But we got the shelves made for less than $20 total (we already had paint). The curtain rods are 1/2" pvc pipe.
With the colorful curtains up, I thought there should be a way to tie it all to the room a little better. I made a sketch of my idea on my computer and tried it out on the wall. After a few adjustments, we had something we liked.
PRACTICE - I did not want to mess up where it counted, so I practiced what I wanted on the kids' bathroom walls. We will be painting in there (eventually) so I wasn't afraid to mess up anything. I made a stencil from vellum, but was worried that it wouldn't hold up to the moisture of the paint. I learned that I was right, but in the meantime I came up with this.
When the stencil didn't work, I tried my hand and painting...by hand. I was confident enough afterwards that I decided to go ahead.
BORDER - Unfortunately, I had to make several trips around the room to get everything done. The first trip was with another stencil to hold up and mark with pencil. The next step was the purple vines. After that were the millions of pink flowers. (It felt like millions.) And the last step was for the butterflies.
I knew that my artistic talents fell short of free-handing butterflies, so I went back to the vellum stencil idea. This time, I covered the vellum with contact paper, then cut the butterflies from that (on my Silhouette, of course). I used a light tack spray adhesive on the back to make them sticky, but repositionable. I lined them up with the placement marks I had done on my first time around the room and flipped and flopped them as inspired. I had to reapply adhesive only once. I think the end result turned out pretty cute.
It was a lot of going up and down a ladder, stretching and reaching, and muttering under my breath. The boys want their room painted soon and I expect another border is in my future. But for now, the ladder is put away! :)
We have been up to more than this, but I have to find the real camera to remember what they all were. We still have 7 living lambs with one ewe yet to deliver. Leah lost a front tooth and I still haven't gotten used to her new look. My house is a mess, so we must be OK...or at least normal. I have been struggling with some things and am still trying to figure some stuff out. I guess that's normal, too, but it still stinks!
WIND - It really got bad around here a while back. Because the genius that added on to our house (it wasn't our house then) back in the early 90's was lazy, we have a layer of shingles put down over a shake roof. You know the rustic-looking wood shingles that are very bumpy? They are still bumpy...under the shingles. Every time the wind blow over 35 mph (which it does occasionally around here), our house has flapping shingles. This time, the wind was strong enough to rip up a big enough section that the shakes were visible. (The guy also put a space heater in the crawl space to keep the pipes from freezing...but no vapor barrier. Genius.)
SLEEP - I had some errands to run one day that completely wiped out naptime. Sitting in front of the TV later that day, Sarah lost consciousness. She eventually had her forehead on the seat, but this was about 20 minutes before that.
MORE SLEEP - I like to squeeze in a 15-20 minute nap when I can. If I don't make Joseph take a formal nap, he usually gets bored and joins me in the bed. He looks so peaceful! He got a pretty good nap this day.
REAL GENIUS - I can decide how much of it is bias and how much is a fair label, but Sarah seems to be showing a few smarty genes. This day I looked down to see that she had arranged my hot roller clips in a balanced pattern. I sent this picture to Chad to ask if he thought it was intentional or lucky.
CONFIRMED - A couple of days later, I sent this picture. I had witnessed her in action and even heard her getting after Rebekah or Joseph for trying to mess her up. I think she would have put one more purple clip on the left but thought she didn't have enough room. I guess her spatial sense is still developing. When she's done, she takes them all off and throws them randomly into the drawer. At least that part of her is on par with the other kids...they leave my stuff in a mess all the time!
PAINTING - We painted the girls' room yellow over Presidents' Day weekend. Since we weren't going to paint the ceiling, I thought it might be worth a shot to pretend we had crown molding up by not painting all the way up. Additionally, I liked the idea of not accidentally painting the ceiling while we were working. When it was all done, it looked more like we had just painted not quite to the top of the wall.
I decided it needed something more after we made and installed new curtains and a shelf/curtain rod for each window. The fabric, while on sale, was a pretty penny. But we got the shelves made for less than $20 total (we already had paint). The curtain rods are 1/2" pvc pipe.
With the colorful curtains up, I thought there should be a way to tie it all to the room a little better. I made a sketch of my idea on my computer and tried it out on the wall. After a few adjustments, we had something we liked.
PRACTICE - I did not want to mess up where it counted, so I practiced what I wanted on the kids' bathroom walls. We will be painting in there (eventually) so I wasn't afraid to mess up anything. I made a stencil from vellum, but was worried that it wouldn't hold up to the moisture of the paint. I learned that I was right, but in the meantime I came up with this.
When the stencil didn't work, I tried my hand and painting...by hand. I was confident enough afterwards that I decided to go ahead.
BORDER - Unfortunately, I had to make several trips around the room to get everything done. The first trip was with another stencil to hold up and mark with pencil. The next step was the purple vines. After that were the millions of pink flowers. (It felt like millions.) And the last step was for the butterflies.
I knew that my artistic talents fell short of free-handing butterflies, so I went back to the vellum stencil idea. This time, I covered the vellum with contact paper, then cut the butterflies from that (on my Silhouette, of course). I used a light tack spray adhesive on the back to make them sticky, but repositionable. I lined them up with the placement marks I had done on my first time around the room and flipped and flopped them as inspired. I had to reapply adhesive only once. I think the end result turned out pretty cute.
It was a lot of going up and down a ladder, stretching and reaching, and muttering under my breath. The boys want their room painted soon and I expect another border is in my future. But for now, the ladder is put away! :)
We have been up to more than this, but I have to find the real camera to remember what they all were. We still have 7 living lambs with one ewe yet to deliver. Leah lost a front tooth and I still haven't gotten used to her new look. My house is a mess, so we must be OK...or at least normal. I have been struggling with some things and am still trying to figure some stuff out. I guess that's normal, too, but it still stinks!
Sunday, March 04, 2012
Church Dance
Church! Church! It's time to go to church!
We love to go to church! Hooray!
Ha ha. I don't know what they were really doing here (Chad took the pictures), but I think that's what this picture should portray. Yay, CHURCH!
We love to go to church! Hooray!
Ha ha. I don't know what they were really doing here (Chad took the pictures), but I think that's what this picture should portray. Yay, CHURCH!
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