Losing It

Mentally, yes. That goes without saying.

But that's not what I meant. You may have noticed that I removed the weekly weigh-in list on the sidebar. I wasn't having much success and I really needed less stress in my life. So that was deleted.

That doesn't mean I stopped trying. I just stopped worrying about worrying about it. Get it? Anyway, I realized that I was too weak on my own. So I looked higher. I made a promise and have kept it. And I can now officially declare that I've lost all my weight gain from my last pregnancy. (It only took about 8 months, but HEY! I did it.)

An older sister came up to me at church today and said I was looking skinnier. She may have been squinting, but it really made me feel good to know that it was noticeable. And I think she was inspired to do that. (I'm thankful for people who act on their promptings.)

I still have about 15 pounds to go before I lose all my weight from my pregnancies. And then I need to get rid of a little more. For now, I'm taking it one day at a time and feeling grateful for any positive results that come!

In case you doubt my veracity.

I posted my weight from this morning. You may be noticing a trend. I have. You may have wondered if I might be sticking to that number to avoid admitting it's gone up.

I just want to say that ALL of my numbers have been accurate. And so I feel good reason to be pounding my head against the wall.

Then again, I don't say that the numbers usually go down on Tuesday, climb Wed - Fri and then slip back down to their "parking spot" over the weekend to prepare for the Monday weigh-in.

And I don't say that I know it's my fault (though I know it is). I have nothing serious enough to keep myself on track. Maybe if the doctor told me I was going to die if I didn't lose 10 pounds, or all my current clothes would disintegrate in two months, I would have reason to walk away from the extra calories. As it is, I only report to myself and this blog and what punishment is that anyway?

It doesn't help that I don't picture myself any heavier than 150, which is really hard to understand since I haven't been that weight in over a decade. I'm living a LIE! And I'm stuck in a rut; a big, deep, calorie-laced comfort zone that needs a better shot of reality...or a couple strategically place full length mirrors.

So, next week...here's to the 160's! (At least I said it.)

Weighty matters

So I procrastinated posting yesterday's weight because it depressed me. I haven't done very well the whole month of February and March is not off to a great start. Additionally, I have a baby who is recently eating baby cereal before bed and sleeping through the night (which is really good), so I'm very "full" in the morning and she can't eat enough to make me empty for the weigh-in.

True, I could pump, but I rarely do that and to start puts me into the same category as new mothers...SORE! So my weight yesterday was estimated.

This morning's number was a bit lower, though also estimated. Twice lately, I've actually dropped below 174, but not on Mondays. I could change my day that it counts, but I think Monday's looming shadow keeps me more responsible on the weekend. (Though you'd never know it!)

So now I have decided to make a public goal to get below 170 by the end of this month. I should be able to drop 4-5 pounds in 3 weeks, right? It's not like I'm starting at 130. (That would actually be the end.) I have lots to lose, and in this case, that's good!

In case it doesn't show on Monday

Last week I took a ride on the bathroom scale and got a number below the one I ended up posting on Monday. But I wanted to be honest, so I didn't dredge up the old score; I stuck to the current one.

I felt so cheated! I had done better and then there was nothing to show for it. So I have to take an opportunity to share the progress I have made since Monday and hope that there is still some good news to share by the time I have to report next Monday. It's juvenile, I know, but I'm getting older every day and should eventually grow up.

Yesterday and the day before that, I was 176.4. Amazing, I know! I've been stuck at 180 for so long that I was getting fairly frustrated. And this morning? 175.6! Yipee! I've had a secret goal to get to 175 before the end of the month. On Monday, it wasn't looking good. Now, on Thursday, it's looking very possible.

So now you know. If Monday's number is 177.0 again, you may want to assign some people to call every couple of hours and make sure the depression hasn't consumed me.

Surprised myself!

The scale was very kind to me this morning...even after I was not kind to my body. I really thought 3 donuts and a few brownies over the weekend, plus the snacking here and there during the Thanksgiving trip would have done more harm. And maybe it's still coming. I'm glad things are looking so good so far though.

This really isn't a good lesson for me. It's supposed to be a bad thing to eat the good stuff. Where is my depression-inducing consequence?

Rollercoaster!

It must be like wearing a warm, comfy blanket, because my body does not want to shed any layers of fat. And I've got plenty to shed!

I WAS at 177.8 on Wednesday. I guess I should be grateful I had any loss at all since I was over 181 on Saturday morning.

It's hard to not eat the yummy stuff. When I can see the food, I can't see my rear. And when I do see my rear, all I see is the food I ate when I didn't need to. WEAK! I am weak!

It really does help to have the b-day cake in the garage. Not only is it out of sight and harder to get to, but it's frozen! It's hard to sneak a slice of hard-to-cut cake.

Let's hope this week is more successful. There are no birthdays this week.

I. Must. Drink. More. Water.

Happy Birthday, Joseph!

Joseph turned 2 today! The kids have really been looking forward to his birthday. Leah even made him several cards/pictures.

We went to dinner tonight, as is our tradition for b-days. Joseph didn't actually pick the restaurant. He'll get to do that next year. Daddy picked it and we went to Texas Roadhouse. We'd once told the kids there was a restaurant that had peanuts and you could throw the shells on the ground. Now they've experienced it. It will probably be a while before we go back. It was VERY busy and we waited quite a while. We were there before 6 PM and thought we'd be beating most of the dinner rush. I think we were the dinner rush. Then the kids ate so many rolls and peanuts, plus the fried onion that we had a coupon for, that no one could finish their dinner (including the parents).

We waddled to the car and came home for presents and cake. When you're one of the youngest in a family, you have a lot of help opening your presents. And that's the easy part! Then you have to fight for the opportunity to play with the presents. We only gave Joseph 4 gifts and only one of them was a toy. Good thing it had 39 pieces; that's roughly 8 pieces a kid!

Then we had the cake. None of the kids knew what the cake looked like, though Nathan (for some reason) was sure it was a Curious George cake. This is what it really looked like. I was helping Joseph blow out his candle. I didn't want him to try to extinguish it with his hands, so I had my arms around him. When it came time to really help him blow out the flame, I failed miserably. I think I was just too far away. I can analyze what went wrong if I want since Chad was recording. We'll be able to laugh at Mommy for the next 30 years.

It was a big cake. We only cut pieces that didn't have ducks on them, so the cake was quite a show piece by the time we were done! We'll have dessert for the next week...it was two cake mixes in a 12" x 2" pan.

And now I fear for my weigh-in on Monday. I have been under 180 all week, but eating out tonight (it was the fried onion that I fear the most) and the cake may have been my undoing. I did stick to only one roll though and ate my salad with very little dressing and drank almost 2 huge glasses of water. I didn't have them "load" my baked potato and only ate half of the roasted chicken on my plate. And I ate less cake than I would normally eat. I guess we'll just have to see how it all works out.

Anyway, Joseph is a very cute 2-year-old. He's starting to repeat sounds and we can get him to say "things" when he's in an agreeable mood. (By "things" I mean, animals sounds; "ess" - that mean yes or this...interchangeably; ball - his first official word; and "lick-lick" - something that Leah felt she needed to teach him.) But this boy is very smart and understands WAY more than it looks like he should. And he's the best at throwing things in the garbage. Apparently, that's a skill you lose with age, so I don't know how long he'll keep it up. I'm just enjoying it while I can! He makes Chad help him "say prayers" at night, though all he's really doing is saying, "eh" when Chad pauses to have him repeat the words. He's got the CUTEST little face and his smile is killer.

Happy Birthday, Joseph! You're not a baby anymore!

Going Public

I've decided to make myself more accountable for my weight loss efforts by going public. Maybe you all can encourage or chastise me...whichever is more effective (without reducing me to tears).

I weighed in at a new low (since Sarah was born) this morning, so I was motivated to start this. I will post my weight weekly over on the right side. Right there at the top. So everyone can see it and shake their heads in disappointment when appropriate. Just knowing some of you are doing that will give me the power to pass up more goodies than I have been able to lately.

And this is very timely for me since Halloween, then Thanksgiving and Christmas are looming ever so near! Yikes! It didn't help that I made what seems like a thousand sugar cookies for decorating at FHE tonight. They definitely pass the sugar cookie test. I inspected them...thoroughly.

B ye-bye, Arlyn

I would like to announce to the world that I am within 4 lbs of my goal to get to my prepregnancy weight from 4 babies ago. I hit a new low on the scale today...without Fast Sunday to help! It has taken me since July, when I hit an all time non-pregnant high during a family vacation, to lose over 16 lbs. Half of that has come off since the new year. I finally figured out what to do. (Or better said, what NOT to do.) It has felt satisfying!

End of discussion!

We weighed the kids the other morning. No one in this family is putting much strain on the scale (except for one who will remain nameless). Leah is 6 lbs lighter than Nathan. They are 23 months apart. Nathan will be 5 in less than 2 weeks. Nathan is a horrible eater, especially when he's sick. Chad was trying to coax more lunch into Nathan today.

It went like this:

"Nathan, you'd better eat more or Leah is going to get bigger than you."

"I really don't care. I'm older than her."